Love & Loss: The Destruction of a Boy's Soul

Old english class assignment, fuck the heading


Cold winter wind whirled around violently outside her house. "Joseph, I'm cold." she said into the phone with her sweet, angelic voice. "Go lay down in bed and wrap yourself in your blankets and I'll lie down with you Missy Lissy... Do you feel me? I'm wrapping my arms around you... I love you so much Melissa." he stated compassionately. "I love you too Joseph... Promise me we'll stay like this forever." she said longingly. "Don't worry, I love you so much and I swear to you, Melissa E**** G*****, my love, that I shall marry you and be with you for all eternity." he stated. A single tear. She begins to cry "But... How can you? I want to believe you, Joseph, but I just don't know." she sobbed tenderly. "Melissa... Don't worry, don't you ever doubt us being together... I swear to you that I will make sure we are together and I will do everything in my power to do so as long as you love me and truly want us to be together. I promise you I will try my hardest to make all your wishes and desires come true... I love you Melissa." he passionately coaxed her. "Okay..." she responded. They talked the night away. A joke here and there. Two lovers simply passing the time by till they could finally be truly united.
"Want me to serenade you again Missy Lissy?" he jokingly remarked. "Yeeaahhh." she stated in her cute little angelic voice. He grabbed his burned Coldplay CD. Popped it into his CD player. Track 14. Her favorite song.
He began to sing along to the music. She laid in her bed, listening intently. All she could do was smile and think about how much she loved him and how much he loved her.
To him things seemed almost perfect... Nothing could go wrong and nothing could be any better or any sweeter... He was right about one thing at least.
The night passed away. The very early morning came quickly and she gave out a yawn. "Joseph... I'm sorry can I get some sleep now?" she queried. "Of course you can my sweet angel... You don't have to ask me that Melissa, just let me know when you are tired and I'll let you sleep my love." he replied. "Okay... thank you. I love you." she drowsily mumbled. "I love you too Melissa." he gleefully yawned. They hung up their phones. Off into a deep slumber they both fell.

Sunshine. Bright and glistening. It shone through his bedroom curtains and stung him in the eye. He arose from his bed, stretched, yawned and suddenly... a shock! "Oh god!!! Did I fall asleep on her last night?!?!" he guiltily spouted to himself. He shot out his arm towards his bedside stand to reach for his phone. He grabbed it, dialed in her number, and pounded on the call button.

Ring-Ring-Ring-Ring... a silence... then...

"Hello? Oh hey love... what's up? Oh and did I sort of... you know... accidentally fall asleep on you last night?" she stated with a tinge of guilt in her voice. "Oh wow..." he laughed ",I just called to ask you the same thing... I think we ended up falling asleep on each other or something last night... Wow what a couple we are, huh Missy? I love you so much." he joked as he paced around his room. "I love you too. Okay, well listen I'm kind of busy right now so can we talk later?" she patiently remarked. "Okay Missy Lissy, I'll call you later... I love you." he responded gleefully. "Mhm. Love you too... sorry." she stated in a rushed manner. "Sorry for what? It's perfectly fine Melissa, you are busy and I understand that.... Talk to ya later love." he responded slightly annoyed. "Okay... If you say so... bye." she said cutely. They hung up once more.
"Oh god I friggin love that girl so much!" he smiled to himself. He laid down on his bed and began to listen to his new favorite band, Secondhand Serenade. He repeatedly listened to his favorite song of theirs, Fall For You. It was his favorite because its lyrics talked about a theme he could very easily relate to, falling for the one girl that is meant for you over again, he fell for her over again more and more every single day even when he felt he was losing her... with his terrible past many little things made him feel that was what was happening.
A couple hours later...

"Time to check Myspace." he remarked to himself. He logged on. "Now to look at my beautiful loves Myspace." he muttered. Click. "God she truly is the most beautiful girl in the world" he smiled. Down the page he scrolled. Her top friends. He had not looked at this for a while. "Wait... Where am I... why am I not on here... wait... Why is he on there..." he stared blankly at the computer screen. Her top consisted of her best friend who had left this world behind a few years prior, several bands... and one other guy... a guy who she had refered to as simply one of her 'best friends' but he seemed to be much more then that to him. He had already asked her to put him in front of him before but every time she simply tossed the request aside... She felt as if it were nothing but to him it was a sign of disrespect... a lack of respect, a lack of honor... a lack of faithfulness and loyalty. She made this other boy seem like her everything while he remained nothing in her eyes. He was heartbroken once more... as he was every time he saw that she had ignored his simple request. Again he felt like she had no respect for him and no care for how anything made him feel.
"Why Melissa, why?!?! What did I do wrong... why the hell do you care more for them then you do for me?!?!?!" he sobbed to himself.
He grabbed his phone and began to violently punch in his text message to her. He typed in all capitals to emphasize his urgency and pain. 'WHAT THE HELL MELISSA?!?!?! THIS IS THE HUNDREDTH TIME I'VE ASKED YOU AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T DONE IT!!! AM I THAT WORTHLESS TO YOU THAT YOU CAN'T DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME??? IF YOU CARE SO MUCH MORE FOR HIM THEN ME THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME THE FRIGGIN TRUTH!!! JUST LEAVE ME AND GO WITH HIM IF HE'S THAT FRIGGIN IMPORTANT TO YOU!!!' After he was done sending the text he walked out to his backyard, slammed his head against the wall, fell to his knees, and began to weep. "What the hell did I do to deserve this... What the hell... She says she loves me but how can I be so sure..." he whimpered to himself.
Bzzz~Bzzz~Bzzz

A new text. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and read the text to himself. 'What the hell Joseph... I don't care about him more... why would you think that?... Why do you always accuse me of this... Why can't you just calmly talk to me about any of this... Why does it bother you so much?...' "Dang it Melissa... don't you get it... I tried talking to you calmly before but all you did was toss my words aside so I had to do something that would get your attention." he sobbed more to himself. "I know how you are with Cody and Michael... those punks love you almost as much as I do and they want to steal you from me... and all those times you've told Michael you love him... What the hell kind of reaction do you expect... Maybe if you didn't emotionally cheat on me... Or maybe if you never told me these vile, painful lies." he ranted to himself as he lied sprawled out on the ground in his backyard. He text her back 'Melissa... I tried being calm but you SHOWED ME that you didn't care by tossing aside my words so all I could do was this yelling through my texts... I think you don't care about me because you don't respect my emotions enough to do simple little things... You act like doing them will end up killing you or something... I'm sick and tired of your pessimistic attitude... DOING ONE LITTLE THING ON MYSPACE WON'T MAKE ME LEAVE YOU OR KILL ME OR ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU LOSE ME!!! STOP THINKING LIKE THAT!!! IT IS FRIGGIN IDIOTIC!!!' He finished his message then all his rage swelled up and he smashed his phone against the cement. "That phone was retarded anyways... Thankfully I have my old spare one." he remarked blankly. He went back inside his room took his SIM card and placed it into his spare phone. Once the phone powered up and gained service in came another text. 'Well I'm sorry Joseph but i just can't help it... I'm sorry... I love you... okay... please believe me...' He responded to her text, 'I do believe you Melissa... It's just... sometimes you do things to show me otherwise and it frustrates me... I'm sorry Missy Lissy... I love you too...' A few seconds after sending it he received her response saying it was okay and that she was still busy and wouldn't be able to talk for a while.
Several more hours later. They are on the phone once more. Another one of their late night conversations. They joke again, messing around with each other, apologizing for mistakes past, forgiving every single one of each others errors, her breaking down in tears due to guilt for the points of her personality which she saw as 'flaws' but he saw as more about her that he accepts and loves, him telling her they did not matter to him. Another loving, longing compassionate, sweet, amazing, angelic night for the two lovers...
Many months past, their same routine passed over and cycled repeatedly. He found things that crushed his heart and she held them to the light and saw them as nothing significant, they had their late night talks, they forgave and forgot. The more and more time passed on the less they got to talk late at night like they did before. Everything between them became even more strained. He remained pure in his emotions and feelings for her... but as for her the same could not be said... he could not tell how she had felt anymore. Then one day the strained relationship snapped.
Ring-Ring-Ring
"Hello" he answered. "Hey... Joseph... I don't think I can do this anymore... I have to think about things for a while..." she stated in a melancholic tone. "Wait... Melissa... What do you mean 'think about things'???" he nervously responded in a frightened tone. "I just can't do this Joseph... I have to think about us... I don't know if I really feel the same as I did before... It's like you've changed... I don't see the person I fell in love with anymore... Just let me do this Joseph... If you really love me then you'll let me think it over and you just need to show me why I fell in love with you in the first place." she said. "What are you talking about Melissa?!?! I've been the same this whole time," he began to bawl over the phone ", the only difference between when we first started out and now is that now I've grown so attached to you and fallen for you so hardly that I have to protect myself... protect my feelings... I can't just let you kill everything I have on the inside just because you care more for Michael and Cody then you do for me..." he sobbed to her. "I'm sorry Joseph I just have to... I'll talk to you later" she responded in an annoyed tone and hung up without waiting for his response.
A few weeks later. "Hey Melissa... What's up?..." he said sadly. "Not much, just doing some hell work as usual, you?" she replied. "Same... so... have you decided on anything...?" he asked reluctantly. "No Joseph, stop asking me that." she stated. "Fine then... whatever I understand, I'll just leave you alone now." he gloomily replied. After she hung up he threw himself onto his bed and began to weep. All he could think of is how he could tell he was soon going to lose her. He grabbed the tiny box he stole from his cousin the last time he had gone to his grandma's. He pulled out a small razor blade and slid it across his forearm. "Let the blood flow free and overtake the pain of this suffering." he whispered solemnly to himself.Another month passed. They rarely ever talked anymore and every time they did either Melissa was in a bad mood and acted snobby and rude towards him or he would be upset about something and tie it in with their current situation or he would be overtaken by his emotions and love for her. She called him one Saturday night. "Joseph... listen... My mom saw your comment on Myspace... she knows all about you now... I'm sorry... we can't talk anymore... tomorrow I will have to delete you from everything, my phone, Myspace,Facebook, everything... I'm sorry." she gravely stated and then hung up. "Wait... What the hell?! No this can't be happening!" he screamed to himself. He sat up in his bed and rammed his skull into his bedroom wall, blood began to pour from his forehead but he neither felt it nor cared for it. She was all he could think about. He cut over the scar that he had caused a month prior once more. "Why does the world feel so cold?... Why has all gone numb?" he said as he began to tear up.
His mind had become a tempest storm driven by passion and fury but his heart and soul were slowly beginning to die out and fade away into the dark abyss.

A few days later he came to realize he had not gone on his AIM in a long time and she and her mom had not taken notice to his account. He logged on, searched through the contacts, and there she was, his love, his life, his world. He sent her an IM.
Hey... I forgot all about this and so did you hehe so... how are you doing?
She didn't respond for several minutes. He thought she was off but then came a response.Joseph... don't... please... I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore... I have to start over... I have to start everything over and now that we can't talk i can't have this relationship... I won't let it happen again. I can't let myself fall for you again. This can't repeat itself again. For all the love and happiness you gave me and I felt thanks to you is still heavily outweighed by the pain this whole thing caused. Don't ever talk to me again... Leave me the hell alone. -killxxxmelissa has logged off-
Shattered, crushed, demolished, obliterated, incinerated, broken and fragmented, destroyed. None of these words could describe how his heart felt when he shot it down with those words. He felt as if his insides were boiling, his soul had became raw and ravaged like a rabid dogs chew toy. "Sh...sh... she h..ha... hates me...WHY?!?!?!" He shouted in a lovestruck rage. He ran to his room, slammed the door shut, slid the hidden box out from under his bed, and drew out the blade and slid it across both his wrists. "With these final drops I bid thee farewell my love. I shall pay the ultimate cost for the forfeit of your happiness my sweet angel... I now know what kind of angel you are... an angel of pain, suffering, and death but I shall always love you, I love every single fault, flaw, and amazing aspect of your personality no matter what. May my sacrifice be enough to heal all the harm I've caused you my sweet sweet queen... my eternal goddess." he lamented. With his final remnants of strength and will he raised the blade to his neck and slid the crimson stained blade across his gentle skin. To accentuate the finality of this act he thrust his arms into his gut slid it upwards and stabbed himself in his heart. The heart that had beat for her. He fell forward, onto his knees then face down on the cold floor.She was huddled in the corner of her room. You could see the tears in her eyes and the burns on the tip of her fingers as she lay there sobbing and wrapping her arms around her legs. "I'm so sorry Joseph... I love you now and forever but we have to let go of each other now... It's our fate... She showed us that." she mourned to herself and cried herself to sleep as she held her picture of him tightly in her palms and listened to the song he first dedicated to her, Kristy, Are You Doing Okay.


"Cause your eyes told the tale of an act of betrayal... Oh, waves of time seem to wash away the scenes of our crimes, for you this never ends." -The Offspring